All By Myself

I'm in college. (It's easier than you'd think by the way. Don't fear college.)I like it. I have an okay roommate, and I go to the Nerd Club, and 4 classes is a breeze compared to 7 in high school. But I'm amazingly depressed. Reasonably though. I'm incredibly alone. Everything I do is just wrong. My room won't stay clean. I drop and spill things all the time. Nothing ever works out. Everytime I take a risk and share my opinion I get shot back down. I'm afraid to talk and move and think. I've resolved to stop going to events and out with people because I know it won't turn out okay. I keep making efforts and everything just explodes in my face. So all I do is sit here and think about how much of a failure I truly am. I don't know what to do. I really tried for a month. Everything has been a disappointment. And it's so easy to make me happy. I really don't want much. I just want something to be involved in and someone who's easy to talk to. I've never had either. I've learned that I'm definitely not a nerd. I'm nowhere near good enough for them. Nerds are at least friends with other nerds. I don't know what to do there. I'm not cool and I don't want to be. But I haven't read enough comic books, watched enough TV Shows, learned enough about technology. I'm not good enough for ANYONE. I expect nothing from anybody because if I did I'd die of disappointment in a week. I can't let myself feel. I truly believe that all that matters is the people you care about. Life is about great experiences. It's about passion and caring and feeling. I don't want a lot of money. I do not want to be famous or powerful. I just want people. I want friends and a family and memories and to laugh. I put so much effort and all of my heart into people and they just couldn't care less. I really don't want much.